Every parent knows what it’s like to be awoken or interrupted by your child complaining that their brother or sister did something. There are mornings where my youngest will crack our bedroom door to tell me that her sister hit her. I tell her I’ll be there in a minute. Not a moment later the older one comes to tell me that the youngest is placing blame on her for something she didn’t do. And so begins the blame game.
Kids don’t have to be taught how to shift the blame. Kids very quickly learn how to try and avoid being in trouble for something by shifting or attempting to shift the blame to their sibling. We actually need to be taught how not to blame shift. Unfortunately, it’s a natural human tendency to retreat from being the cause of anything negative. This is why even criminals who are caught red-handed or dictators will try and justify their actions as necessary or unavoidable.
Though we may not be a dictator or a criminal, I’m fairly certain that everyone reading this has shifted blame to someone else at one point in time. Sometimes it’s because we’ve dropped the ball due to fatigue, frustration or even laziness. Regardless of the reason, there is a benefit to owning our faults and failures. Shifting the blame may actually stifle personal growth, especially if the blame shifting goes unchecked. In order to fulfill your purpose you’re going to have to accept the blame for the instances where it rightly falls on you.
Here are 3 ways to avoid blame shifting.
KNOW YOUR RESPONSIBILITY
What is your responsibility? What is your assignment? What were you trying to accomplish? When something goes awry, are you reflective? What could I have done differently? Who can help me in this area? What can I do better next time? John Wooden said, “If you don’t have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over?”
Furthermore, sometimes we shift the blame for things that go wrong because we were doing things that were never ours to do. There is usually a reason that your responsibility is your responsibility. It’s because your skill set is best suited to handle that task. When you are flowing in your purpose you will have less occasion to shift the blame. There are some that see you everyday and think they know who you are, but when your true purpose and ability are revealed they will begin to place responsibilities on you in line with who you are and how you were designed.
KNOW YOUR FLAWS
Knowing your flaws is not a license to say, “God knows I suck at this so everyone just has to deal with it.” If you know what you struggle with then you also know what you should spend time working on. Knowledge of self is most beneficial in knowing where growth needs to occur. Where do you feel the most growth is needed? In what area have you been placing blame everywhere but with yourself?
If at some point you slip and your flaw rears its ugly head…own it! Don’t shift the blame. Don’t disagree. Don’t run from your mistake. Acknowledge it, accept it, and address it. Find someone that once had your struggle and has obtained victory over it and ask them what they did. A simple Google search could even yield some quick steps to take. Search and implement what you find.
KNOW WHO IS AROUND YOU
When you know the type of people that you have around you and then they mess up, you have to take some of that responsibility because you knew who and how they are. If you know they’re terrible at counting money but you were short staffed so you put them over ticket sales and then you come up short, well…that’s on you. (But just to be safe you should probably check their pockets before they leave.)
Know yourself and know your circle. Then own the results of whatever comes out of either one. Steve Goodier said, “An important decision I made was to resist playing the Blame Game. The day I realized that I am in charge of how I will approach problems in my life, that things will turn out better or worse because of me and nobody else, that was the day I knew I would be a happier and healthier person. And that was the day I knew I could truly build a life that matters.”
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